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Yo why the fuck do people hate a person who farts in public? I hate the smell of farts just like everyone else but I’m not about to fucking blast someone who is having trouble keeping it in. Let me tell you a fucking story. I was out on a date with this absolutely gorgeous fucking woman and I promise you the story is not going in the direction you think it is. Anyway my stomach was bubbling the whole night, I kept fake coughing whenever I felt it rumble to try and hide and I swear I was making the weirdest fucking faces cause I had my ass clenched for at least two hours between the drive and the dinner. She didn’t seem to notice though. She ate her salad and smiled the whole time making small talk and telling me about why she was in school to become a veterinarian. To make matters worse, not only do we stigmatize the farter but we are against people shitting in public bathrooms. I mean we have to fucking worry about leaving for too long because we don’t want our date to know we are taking a shit, so I went to the bathroom twice, once before our salads came and once while we were eating our meals. Both times I just paced in front of the mirror in the bathroom letting as many fucking farts rip as I could, emptying the fucking tank.

Anyway, I was having trouble keeping the last burst in. I knew it was going to pop any second while we were waiting for the bill when suddenly my date covered her mouth with her napkin, stood up and trotted towards the bathroom. A second after she left, a wave of fart hit my face. It wasn’t super intense but it was enough for me to know that she just dashed from gas and returned 5 minutes later.

I didn’t embarrass her or bring it up but it did make me smile. I mean she was gorgeous and I would have to be an idiot to judge her or be disgusted by her because she did something so natural that I was fighting it off the whole night. I drove her home and walked her to the door. Before she went inside I confessed saying I would love to take her out again sometime and that I was fighting off a gassy stomach all night so I wasn’t able to fully be myself. She laughed and kissed me. We went out again four days later and planned a “comfort date.” Which turned into us going to the zoo in sweatpants and hoodies. It was awesome! And we ended up dating for three more months. The only reason we broke up is because she studied abroad and we decided long distance wouldn’t work.

So the point of the story is don’t judge people based on farting. We all do it, and no one wants to do it in public. Yes someone is a fucking asshole if they are going out of their way to stink up the public but if it’s just slipping out they’re more embarrassed than you are disgusted so just do your best to ignore the smell and trust it will pass.

 

Don’t be a fucking asshole!

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